As the date comes closer, my dreams get crazier. The 10th will be the first anniversary of my father's death.
It's an anniversary I hope doesn't stick with me.
I'm still trying to figure out how he is gone. The world didn't stop. It should have. People didn't stop moving around me. They should have, out of respect. The seasons are changing outside my window, right this very minute. Impossible.
How can someone be missing from the earth and the planet doesn't notice? Doesn't the weight shift enough that she seems a bit lopsided in her whirling dance around the sun?
Like when you lose a pound and your pants aren't quite a snug. Or your ring slips off your finger. Or your watch travels around your wrist with no problem at all.
I know when my dad left this earth it changed everything in my life. I could feel his absence every day. Time stopped for me. The silence in my mind filled with questions of "why?".
If I lost a pound, it wouldn't effect the button on my pants, the ring on my finger or the watch on my wrist.
It would be the gaping hole in my heart, that throws off my steps every day. Causes me to stumble with a thought. Makes me grab for a rail that isn't there with a memory. Like an emotional blind man, in a unfamiliar place, screaming for answers.
Even if no one else notices.
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