Insurance Bill Freak Out!

I've gotten to that age where I'm becoming dry, from the inside out. And the hair that once grew on my legs, is now coming out my chin.

I LOVE being a girl!!!

To that, there are certain 'tests' we get to take at the doctors that are necessary, but unpleasant. I've been taking such tests. And to cover them, I have my new insurance from my company that kicked in July 2009.

All the bills have come back UNPAID! Reason? Pre-existing condition.

Really?? What condition is that? BEING A FUCKING WOMAN?!?!?

{{{OK...breathe....dial it back. Remember the resolution dealing with your Hulk like tendencies.}}}}

Nothing jams my muffin more than insurance issues right now. Cuz you know it's a scam and one misstep will get you tossed!

After re-submitting bills two or three times with information they didn't seem to have, I got a call from my eye doctor yesterday. They are NOT treating me for a pre-existing condition, I'll thank you very much. "Your insurance keeps denying payment due to a pre-existing conditions. We are billing you again, but you might want to call someone, this should be covered."

And before you say, "Well...idiot...why didn't you do that in the first place??", just you wait!

So I call. Sue, a very friendly BC/BS phone worker, smile in her voice, informed me that my company, MY COMPANY, puts a hold on all new members to the insurance plan and they don't pay a dime, till you PROVE YOU'RE NOT SICK.

WTF?

You didn't see that one coming, did ya? Neither did I!

Ya, so it seems that until you give them this form that claims you don't have a pre-existing condition, then they won't "open" up your insurance. I've been without payments for 6 months!

"But there is a short cut, you could just let me know if haven't been to the doctor 90 days from your sign up date.", Sue's tone was now getting a lil snarky. Like she was going to trap me in something.

"Let's see," sound of searching the calendar, "Have you been to the doctor for anything more than a cold between April 1 to July 1 2009?" I could hear the "Hmmmmm???" implied.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MY INSURANCE WAS BEING HELD BY THE EVIL WIZARD TILL I FOUND THE MAGIC ELF WHO COULD UNLOCK A SECRET DOCUMENT TO FREE THE MONEY FAIRIES TO PAY MY BILLS!!

And Suuuuuuuuueeeeee.....Snarky Suuuuuueeeee wants me to remember if I had been to the doctor LAST YEAR?!?!?!

{{{Breathe.....dude....you're losing it.....it's only January 7th. Don't blow the resolutions so soon!}}}

I said I couldn't remember if I had. Thinking this might be a trick. If I lied, they could cancel my plan for falsifying insurance documents. It could happen! I've seen Sicko.

"Ok...you're going to need to get me the HEPA Certificate from your prior insure."

"It was BC/BS."

"There are MANY offices for BC/BS. We don't necessarily keep each others records."

"But I have that document to HQ when I signed up for your insurance."

"Well then....HQ probably has it. I don't."

"But how did I get the insurance approved if you didn't get that?"

"Ms. Gilbert....if you could fax that form to me, we can go from there."

Thankfully, I filed that cute lil note from my previous insurer, and faxed it to snarky Sue. Now, that 's just a hand written letter that says, "Hey, she was totally insured by us for years!" My guess is I'll get a lil ol jingle from Ms. Snarky and she will say, "Well you need THIS official document before we can process any of these claims."

'Insurance' is actually Latin for: I'm not paying a god damn dime, if I can get away with it.

Well....I'm not paying a god damn bill till I get socialized medicine! Then I could get treated this crappy, just not have to pay for it!