Toes curl around the edge....breathe...spread your arms...now....JUMP!

How long have you ever "done" anything? Held your breath, held a job, held an image in your mind? Been friends with someone or maybe lived in the same place?

My honey has been a print jounalist for almost 20 years. And 13 of them, at thee local paper in town, ends today.

13 years...walking into work the same way every day. Parking in the same spot every day. Saying 'good morning' to some of the same faces every day.

13 years > 4,745 days

Our relationship is short 6 months to beat her releationship with that job. She's scared. I don't blame her. It's a long time to be doing something you love, fight for, frett over.

After much deliberation and heart tugging discussion, she decided to take a 'buy out' offered by the paper. Seeing the state of print journalism, she plans on taking a course in writing her first book and freelancing along the way to discovering her creative freedom that comes with freeing ones self from the confines of a cubicle.

And while she has her doubts....I know she'll be just fine. Cuz you can't contain her kind of talent in such a small space like an office, working for the man. Much like the plants that grace our yard, that she grows so well, her life is about to take blossom and grow.

How Grey is Your Garden?

"But you see in dealing with me, the relatives didn't know that they were dealing with a staunch character and I tell you if there's anything worse than dealing with a staunch woman... S-T-A-U-N-C-H. There's nothing worse, I'm telling you. They don't weaken, no matter what." ~Little Edie Bouvier Beale

Have you seen Grey Gardens? I have. It haunts me on a regular basis.

Maybe it's the documentary style. Maybe it's the grainy film. Maybe it's the lost era of the 70's. Or maybe it's just that rich folks, left unattended....melt into what they are at the core: simple and crazy.

The stars of the documentary are Little Edie and Big Edie, daughter and mother. The Edie's are cousin and aunt to Jackie O. Film makers heard about their 28 room mansion on Long Island about to be closed down for the condition is was in, when Jackie and her sister Lee came to the rescue to get it up to code. These to 'stars' were high society back in the day and are now bag ladies with a bankroll. Cats and crap piled to the ceiling included.

If Jackie had been left in one of her mansions, forgotten by her family, would she be eating Friskies with a dash of lemon and calling it "Pate"? Would any of the rich and famous be who they are, without the public lifting them to heights that no human can withstand the pressure?

Brittney Spears, who moves from mansion to mansion in Beverly Hills, can sleep on mounds of money she's made over the years. But how do folks describe her? "She's just a barefoot, hillbilly that made good!" For sure, without the money, she would be just that. Three or four kids, playing out back of the trailer park, BritBrit cooking up greens and waiting for her man to come home for the mines. Broke, happy and now it makes sense that she doesn't wear undies...she can't afford them.

A talk show host was talking about this the other day. His example was Angelina Jolie. If it wasn't for Hollywood turning her "quirks" into tabloid hoopla, she would be a receptionist who everyone would talk about was 'c-r-a-z-y'. It would probably be her fourth or fifth job in a year. Meanwhile her neighbors worry cuz she keeps too many knives and someone said there was blood in her fridge.

The FBI would be at her door in a heartbeat.

"Shame....she was such a pretty girl. Probably had the world at her finger tips...but she was just so....so....strange!" ~one of her neighbors on the six o'clock news.

The Edie's seem crazy enough. Sweet as pie, but durn right crazy. Crazy like a train wreck you can't turn your view from. I had heard that was the story, but it still caused me to stare, open mouthed, at the TV in awe.

On the extras they show the following this film has. Fans watching it over and over again. Memorizing the lines. Talking about how Little Edie would be a fashion maven today instead of the crazy girl with the sweater for a turban. I thought at the time, THAT'S crazy! I mean, once you see it, is there really a reason to see it again? CAN you sit through it again?

Then......I got my own copy.

Feeding the Troops

Just up north of us is Fr. Drum. Home to the 10th Mountain Div. These are the kids that are down on the ground in the Middle East doing the grunt work.

And I do mean kids.

We have, for the past 3 years, participated in Riverfest. It's a big festival they put on for the troops and their families with a carnival and a boat ride around an area called the Thousand Islands. They end up on Heart Island, home to the Bolt Castle http://www.boldtcastle.com/ where volunteers cook and serve enough food for 5500 folks.

That's where we come in.

While it's awesome to support the troops, to meet the Generals that lead them, and get a handshake and a thank you from them, you can't help noticing that none of them are anywhere close to being my age.

Person after person passed by my station, I was in charge of sporks and plates, with a "thank you mam" and a look on their face that was humble and downright sheepish. Most of them had a spouse in tow and a couple kids. Some of them with mom and dad. Some, gaydar told me, were DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell) and would ultimately catch my eye, with a knowing nod.

One couple's tot dropped their place setting, the father, an obvious soldier with his buzz cut, looked at us embarrassed, "I'm sorry mam. Honey you have to hold on to it, now pick it up." I smiled and grabbed it from the ground first, "It's OK...we have tons of them! Have a clean one and you," I squatted down to her eye level, "Tell the food servers that you get whatever you want." The little girl, who had to be two or three looked at me, "Anything?" I looked at her dad, who had to be just out of high school, he nodded and smiled. "Yep...anything!", I assured her.

She beamed. It was priceless.

I imagined, a military family, probably was on budget, without each other for months on end and moved often, the thought of "anything your heart desires" was probably a big deal, even for a child.

But I couldn't help thinking....so young. They were all so fucking young!

The oldest among them may have been nearing 30. Those 'older' had a bit of a swagger to them. I wondered silently what they had seen. If the younger crowed was still basic training, had they been over there? Could these meek, mild mannered, men and women actually be the gun slinging heroes that face death every day? Watch their friends get ripped apart by enemy fire. Hold an open wound with their bare hand, the blood seeping between battle torn fingers that rest upon gun oiled triggers.

Off to the side a couple of boys walked away from the crowd. They were darker figures, even from a distance. Their posture, their walk, their shoulders hunched. You could tell they had seen some action. Would they be able to have a normal life. Night times free of horrific dreams and cold sweats brought on by the raging battle that still plays out on the back of their eyelids? They already stood off alone from everyone else.

My guess was no...they were damaged. Damaged so young, so early in life. Protecting a country that would probably not take care of them when they were done.

Is war so important? To send a 19 year old father into a place that, while physically they might return, mentally they never will.

What price is freedom?

For me...it was to stand for 5 hours in chilling rain, soaked to the skin, smile on my face, handing out sporks. And when they said, "Thank you mam." I said, "No......thank YOU."

The sound.....of silence....

There is nothing sadder than getting ready for lunch, deciding what you're going to get, walking to your car, putting in the key....and NOTHING.

Not start. No turn over. Dead.

The silliest part of all? I have to call AAA and wait an hour for them to show up and tow my car, literally, across the street. They almost didn't come get me cuz there wasn't enough miles for them to tow.

"Are you within your 5 mile limit?"

"I'm 1/32 of a mile."

"Pardon me?"

"I'm looking at the dealership as I talk to you."

"Well...I guess that's within your 5 miles."

Really? You're just guessing that? Amazing.

The next part of this equation is that I never actually got to lunch. Something happens to your mind when you were off to find lunch and now, not only aren't you going to lunch, but you probably aren't getting lunch at ALL today.

That...for a big grrl that loves food as much as I, is torture.

While I'm waiting for A3 to show, I'm surfing on line and low and behold, every pop up ad is for some fast food restaurant. I decided to stop surfing and stared out the window, under the guise of looking for the tow truck. A large van parked outside from a grocer with lovely four color rendering of their sub shop on the side of it.

I would stare at my shoes, but even those are toasty brown like a loaf of bread.

See...I'm a mess!

I sent out a S.O.L (shit! out of lunch) text to co-workers out in the city, who owe me favors like you wouldn't believe. It's funny how, when folks owe you something you never seem to hear back from them. Hmmm.

Ever notice how a fire truck looks like a hot dog?

AAA better get here soon. My wallet looks like a hamburger and my AAA card is inside....looking like...mayo.

What's your price?

How much would it cost for you to sell out? Position? Power? Money? What would it take for you to betray your party, your ideals, the people that put you in office?

But more than that....will it be worth it?

There are two Democrats in NY today, that will know that answer at some point and time. Anti-American, greedy, power hungry, back stabbing, assholes. And while they can probably fess up that they are every one of those things, it's the moment they awaken and find that they have, indeed, been played.

I want to scream my throat raw about what happened in Albany yesterday. I want to curse the sky. I want to throw and tantrum and kick lil fuzzy forest creatures, I'm so mad.

Shame on the republicans in Albany. Shame on you for taking the constitution, the very piece of paper that you hold in front of liberals faces and say they mock, and wiping your over fed, rich, privileged, asses all over it.

If no one else will tell you, let me have the pleasure....YOU LOST! You can't take the ball and go home. You have to give the ball up. You have to play nice. You had your chance to be QB and the team decided that you SUCKED! So they bumped you to 2nd string.

Can you imagine if you were watching a football game and the 2nd string jumped from the bench and mauled the 1st sting on the field and then claimed that they were now taking the field and playing the last quarter.

Those players would be suspended and fined.

Let's hope that's the case tomorrow, when the legislature reconvenes.

patato - patahtoe

A radical Shiite cleric has called for the "depravity" of homosexuality to be eradicated but his spokesperson later said that that the remark should not be taken as a fatwa to kill gays. ... Moqtada Sadr made the call on Thursday during a seminar of clerics, police and tribal leaders.
There has been growing anti-gay violence in Iraq. Last month another Shiite cleric, Sattar al-Battat, repeatedly condemned homosexuality during Friday prayers, saying Islam prohibits homosexuality. Homosexual acts are punishable by up to seven years in prison in Iraq.

Can I just ask....who said being homosexual was wrong? And don't bring up the bible. Can anyone give me a good reason without the bible? Cuz...well...the bible is not a legal document, or scientific in any way. It's pretty much hearsay jotted down decades after events happened, then rewritten for centuries, till it pretty much, isn't the original text, which was just a bunch of guys telling a story by a campfire, to begin with.

Let's look at it this way....bicycle or unicycle. Now, while the bicycle is more common and more folks ride them, it certainly doesn't mean that the unicycle is wrong. It's certainly not as common, it's more difficult to learn, and I guess folks would look at you funny if rode one. But bicycles and unicycles both can share the roadways, follow the same laws and get a license, if they wanted.

But one or the other is not wrong, just different.

Heterosexual and Homosexual are different sexualities, but neither is wrong. Nature doesn't think so.

There are many creatures that are not only homosexual, but some even reverse what we call "normal". Take a seahorse...the male has the babies. There is a female bird that gets pregnant, lays eggs, then plops the male on the nest while she goes and gets knocked up again. You can find lists of creature that are homosexual.

(Interesting Note: Since gays cann't technically breed....STRAIGHTS are the one's having the gay babies. Think about that over your cheerios!)

And yes....I know all about "we were put here to breed". Does that mean that a het couple that finds out they are sterile should then get divorced? If an widowers decide they want to get married, they can't? Honestly, in this over populated world, can't we have a few couples that DON'T need to breed? Or do we proceed down the slippery slope that if you are going to get married, now you have to take a test to see if you CAN breed? And what if after the test you find out you can't? No wedding for you!

You know what I really think it's about: acceptance.

I hear it all the time, "They want us to accept a behavior that is wrong." Or maybe.....if we DO accept homosexuality for what it really is, just another way we were born to be, that would make it very uncomfortable for all those folks that have hidden away their homosexuality and live under the mask of heterosexuality.

All the preachers that have never accepted who they are. All the congress men who smuggle hot interns into their campaign HQ. All the talk radio hosts who want something, something they have never dared speak it's name. What would happen if, finally, it was "normal" to be a homo?

I guess they would have to admit that they had spent a lifetime lying to themselves, their spouses and their children. That it would have been OK to be gay.

Oh what a different life they would have had.....an honest one.