The viper is coming!

My rear window wiper was possessed. It would go off all by itself. Flap-skwek-flap-skwek. No rhyme or reason. No pattern. Not cuz I rolled down my window, or hit the washer on the front window.

Just cuz.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to let the wipers go too fast when it's actually raining. So you gotta know THIS is driving me nuttier than and Chinese chicken salad!

I called my friendly car dealer, who I bought my car from and have faithfully had it serviced there for 6 years now. It's a regular routine that I will call, give my name and get a hearty, "Well yes Cabrina! Bring it right in on your way to work."

This day, a new guy got my call and, not only couldn't he find my name, but he told me to wait till 2pm to bring in my car.

I felt like La Liz, standing outside of Spago's, the hostess scanning her reservations and finally looking up to say, "I'm sorry...we don't have a table for a Ms. Taylor." It was everything I could do to not say, "Do you KNOW who I am?!?!"

Why they should know me from any other shlub they rake over the money coals for services rendered, I don't know. It's their fault...they treated me...well...nice. Now, they don't know my name?

ComeOHN!

I had to have my car back at four o'clock, to the shock of Tim, my newbie. "Now, Mrs. Gilbert, what are we doing for you today?" I immediately looked around thinking my mother, Mrs. Gilbert, had entered the room.

"Well..the wiper is possessed and goes on whenever it seems to want. And just a regular "check up."

"Fine. Good. We'll take care of that for you."

My first call was Tim informing me that there was some wear on my struts and he would LOVE to replace those for me. I tell him I'm not paying for that. He said they are under warrenty. I say to him that I think he's wrong and could he look it up.

"Oh....I got your account confused with another....you have some time on those." REALLY? You confused me with someone else? SHOCKING!

A call at about 2:00 revealed that it was the motor and it would cost me about $245. I'm not happy and somewhat confused...if the wiper is technically working, why do I need a motor?

Tim called me at 2:30 to let me know that he had removed my "borken" motor and replaced it with a NEW motor and, low and behold, the wiper was going off whenever it wanted too! I told him THAT is why my car is in his care in the first place. He informed me it was something to do with the computer and now, due to my time restriction I put on him, he doesn't have time to diagnose it properly. I have to bring it back tomorrow.

Is it just me....or isn't that HIS fault since he pulled my working motor out and then put a new motor in when the problem all along was that the wrong "message" was being sent to the wiper and it was obviously getting power to the motor CUZ IT WAS FLAPPING LIKE A DEAD FISH ON MY REAR WINDOW!!!

Day two. Tim calls me after I drop off my car and informs me that it's now a computer module that is the problem. He's gone to bat for me to shave off $100 for the part from the manufacture.

If you can shave off $100....this isn't going to fare well for my checkbook....is it?

In total, my bill is now $356. That's US currency folks. Not Loonies. Not Pounds.

"Tim...I'm not paying for that new motor when mine is perfectly good...right?"

"Nooooo mam'. That is taken care of under warranty."

"And the oil change from yesterday? That's included?"

"Um....what did we do again?"

"Oil and filters?"

"Um....I....."

"Tim...I need you to say that's included."

(wait for it......)

"Yes...I believe it is."

"Good boy."

By the time I walk across the street from work to get my car, the total bill has risen to $444 with tax and my amazing good (re: bad) luck with money.

The woman at the counter hands me my keys and there seems to be two fobs attached. I inform her they aren't mine. She says they probably come with the new computer. Then she says the three words I soooo didn't want her to say, "I'll get Tim."

NOOOOOOoooooooo!

I don't want to see him! Ugh! I HATE HIM! I've never hated anyone as much as I hate him at this very moment. He's a liar and a thief and he has NO idea who I am. (Even tho 3 other people said hello to me by name in Tim's presence)

Tim pops around the corner and says, yes, indeed, the fobs are new due to the computer. The woman informs me that she has no one to drive the car around for me, so I have to go 'round back and get it myself.

Joy.

I went to the car and pushed the new fob and was relieved to find it actually worked. I wasn't going to be held responsible if I had to talk to Tim again. I plopped down in the driver's seat, the smell of men in greasy overalls stunk up the car. I tore the cellophane a lil more on my 'ocean breeze' pine tree. (re: middle eastern aftershave with burnt sugar overtones). And then I saw it: a customer survey on the passenger seat.

Tim, my foe. After I till this puppy out, you will wish you never met me!