Scoot. More. More More. GOOD!

I have, for the last couple days, been under the weather. I should just leave it at that, but anyone that knows me, knows I find that line of civility and take a pogo stick size jump up and over it to make everyone around me uncomfortable.

It's just the way I am.

After working in the yard I manage to get a killer allergy attack. (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it!) Then I got hit with the worst case of girly bits complications known to mankind...er...womankind.

I'm at that age, you see, where the word whispered around you is "pre-menopausal". Oh...you think you're already squeamish bracing for the details in my blog? Thank the man-in-the-sky you're not going through it.

Cycles being what they are, they should come around like clock work. But when they don't, it throws your life into a mess of doctor appointments and tests and probes and "pee in this" and "scoot just a liiiiiittle further".

The fun started this time around when I had to meet my new doctor, just as I was about to mount the stirrup table. Nice "how do you do" if'n I ever saw one. That awkward moment was punctuated by her nurse stumbling through the door, spinning in the middle of the room with one foot in the trash can and ending up spread eagle on the far wall. Speculum in hand.

My mortification continued, as I laid with nothing more than a Chernobyl sized Kleenex as a poor excuse for coverage, as they had me sit up cuz the light didn't work. Seems the genius that is the nurse forgot to plug it in. Then back down again, scooting.

Then when it came to the procedure, the doctor couldn't complete it.

AWESOME! Just FUCKIN' awesome!

"I'm soooo sorry. I can get you scheduled with a doctor in the practice that does this sort of thing all day long. She could do this blindfolded."

"Soooooo...that's it?"

"Yes. And of course, no charge for today."

"I don't even get dinner?"

Long stare......"Um....ha...yes...I mean...NO...I...uh....I really appreciate you keeping your sense of humor through this."

Lady....when you're a woman with a tissue skirt, on your back, with your heels up to god, and two people are lookin at your neither regions like a Bear's game on a 13 inch black and white.....all you got is your humor.

Can't WAIT to do this all over again for the next stranger.

Sing with me...."I loooooove....being a girl!"