"Pooh-pooh to the Whos!" ~ The Grinch

I avoided a LOT of the holiday crush by shopping on line this year. I love that. No...really....I love shopping on line, cuz then it's like xmas when all the packages get delivered to me weeks before xmas. Yes, I know they aren't for me. But I actually like shopping for others, rather than receiving gifts for myself.

No, I'm not going for "most self-less act during the holiday season" award. I just really relish the challenge of buying something for someone that, when the open it, they have a tremendous reaction.

I can't tell you how many times, in my youth, I got stuff that was crap. There...I said it! It took me 40 years, but I've admitted it publicly. And this taught me that you need to make an effort when you buy. The following are examples that, not only scared me for life, but taught me to shop kindly:

There was a macrame belt weaving kit. Really. You can't make this up.

Magic sand that you poured under water and it never got wet. When they tell me I have cancer, years down the road....I'll blame that feckin' magic sand!

The Ant farm. NOTHING good comes from keeping bugs in your home and treating them like pets. Tiny ants came in from outside and actually killed the colony and made the 'farm' their summer residence.

A hamster. Ok....yes...I wanted it. I wanted it bad. And I loved it. But when you buy something that is 'food' for a larger animal, they are not meant to live long and it died a horrible death that was oozy and icky.

So during this holiday season, as you swim the gift buying tide with other Whos, remember to buy from your heart and not with the random coupon you might find. The receiver will appreciate the effort and you will always remember the look on their face that says, "You like me. You get me. You're my favorite."

That's xmas to me.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Tom Stoppard

I have spent the last 20 min combing the internet for a picture of what I want to blog about today. And I can't find anything even close. I'm going to attribute that to being very un-hip, old and more than anything-white.

I bowl on Tuesday nights on the north side of town. And for the most part I'm spoiled by bowling with women, or with my gays. So when I got asked to bowl on a mixed league (straight: very, very straight), I was shocking to me how shocked I was at the folks that bowled there.

It's like when you hit a Spanish station on the radio, by accident, and you just think, "These aren't 'my people'". and then quickly turn it to some pop top 40.

That's how I feel on Tuesday nights. I can't really relate to any of them.

At a certain hour, it's like a switch if flipped and people pour through the doorway to bowl. The brim on the baseball hats are a lil flatter. The pants hang a lil lower. I'm still amazed how someone can walk the lane approach and hold their pants on AND swing the ball in the other hand.

Look....I don't get it. I don't want to see the color of your underwear. I don't want to see your ass creeping up out or your pants. It makes me a lil nuts. Ok, I said it!

This Tues the most amazing foursome came through the door. If I wasn't in the armpit of NY, I would say it was a rap star. And yes...a REAL hip hop shooting star would have looked just as out of place and.....silly. YES....SILLY! So sue me! This was no hip hop artist, that I could tell. Just teenagers out for a night of bowling.

Since I can't find this get-up on line, I'm going to have to describe it to you: metallic gold and black, over sized and matching from hat, to jacket, to his damn shoes, people! He was a scrawny white boy with this enormous jacket on. It was kinda puffy, but the design was what was amazing. It was like metallic golden swirls and his shoes matched perfectly. He hoisted his pants at one point, so those were, of course, hanging off him non-exsistant ass.

His girl was a foot taller and looked like she had stepped out of a Mattel assembly line. She might have been 18, but her plastic surgery was already aging her. Tweedle Dumb & Tweedle Dumber were the henchmen in tow. They sported white tank tops and hippity hoppity type jackets with flat brimmed baseball caps askew.

It was horrifying and amazing all at the same time. And I wondered....am I that old? Have I reached that age my mother was where nothing I liked was 'cool' anymore? If I was younger and hipper would his outfit be awesome?

No. He looked like an idiot.

While I wore my share of silly things in the 80's, I never looked like my mother dressed me in my father's size of matching tag garanimals.

I think I'm ok with finally hitting the un-cool mark in my life. So I can't watch shows like the Grammy's or the MTV Awards. I still have re-runs of the Brady Bunch. And I do have a certain advantage: a belt.

“Being crazy isn't enough.” ― Dr. Seuss

You know the drill. It's that time of year and the calendar is filling up scary fast. The end of another year is screaming towards us. I was shocked to flip the calendar, which I was already 3 days behind, and uncover the first of December.

Shocked!

I was told a looooong time ago, probably by a teacher that I thought was old as dirt and now I'm older than she was when she told me, that as you get older the time passes faster.

Holy Oprah pass the bucket cuz this motion sick momma ain't gonna handle the next couple decades well.

With the holidays comes the rush of shopping and wearing out the numbers on your plastic cards. Mine is almost see-thru at this point. Thank you Cyber Monday for on-line shopping deals. At least I got that taken care of, right quick. My office-mate scowled at me when I announced I was done shopping. I triumphant declaration with a fist pump for effect. But when your family is 3,000 miles away, you have to think ahead.

That doesn't slow down time either.

Looking ahead on the calendar is quite dizzying: trips are booked for Feb and April. The high holy month of March is stacked to the rafters already, with my lil Irish Radio show. That's as far as I dare to look into my crystal ball. If I know too much ahead of time I might just become a hermit and find a cave to crawl into.

I need to sit down. But certainly there is no time to do it. Maybe Santa will bring me a 13 month year! But knowing my life, I'll find a way to shove that full of 'to-dos' before you can say "I'm sorry, I'm busy that day."

Calgon take me away!

Artists, no matter how good their intentions, are always slower than they think. ~ Mark Millar

And slow I was. Mind you we had a few hiccups in the road. A trip to the ER, busy schedules, many things happening in the weeks leading up to the most awesome of holiday ever!

But I got there, finally.

I didn't put everything out, but enough to make a good show.

A new window display, the Witch's Kitchen, made it's debut. My new apothecary jars fit in so very well.

I made a "dug grave" in the front yard, with a lil illusion magic. With night and only the colored flood lights and tiki torches, I had a couple people ask how long it took me to dig the hole in the front yard. Amazing what you can do with a black trash bag and cheap towels dyed the color of dirt. I think the 'spade in the ground" sold it tho. The flashing "Vacancy" is a good gag as well. One of my wife's favorite parts of the graveyard.

The new costume was a hit as well. Lots of shrieks and running children everywhere. I was thinking the zombie pirate theme might be overkill, but it turned out awesome. I even put a horrible eye under the pirate patch. No one wanted to see what was under my patch, but those that did, were grosed out. Perfect!

Now the house is filled with boxes and bags of Halloween collected. The inside is now kind of a holiday graveyard. I took off the 1st to pack up and pick up. Plus I had to hit all the after holiday sales. I hate buying stuff before, hence the post on my fence earlier. Managed to get a few things, I swore I wasn't going to get. But isn't that the way sales go? "Do I need this? No....but I sure do WANT it!"

Half the fun is opening up rubber maid tubs in the attic next year and saying, "Did I buy this?!?!"

Another year done. It's over so fast, for all the build up that happens. As an on-looker said, "Your house is the one they are going to remember and tell their kids about." My response was, "This is the house I remember from MY trick or treating!"

Electric Dreamin'

I have to take a break from my Halloween fever (I'm so far behind...what does it matter?)

The home inspector came this morning for my Nissan Leaf charging station. Yes....charging station. I'm going NO TAILPIPE people! All in, all electric. I'm so excited I I can't stand myself.

I fretted for days over this inspection. We have a 75 year old house, smack dab in the middle of the snow belt. (we have won the 'golden snowball' trophy for the past decade, I think, here in CNY) There is just no way a cutting edge car could be plopped down right here. Well....it can....and it will!

It's the worst possible time to spend money on a car. I know. We'll have to do a few upgrades to get the house ready for the station. I know. We will only have one car for long trips. I know.

But as I said to my wife this morning, "This is like an aquarian's wet dream!"

• A new car would thrill my jug bearing brother, James Dean (who shares my exact birthday).
• The cutting edge invention would have fellow aquarian Thomas Edison telling Watson to lift the hood to see inside.
• The sense of "freedom" from the pump from aquarian president, Abraham Lincoln
• The feel-good-for-the-environment whimsy from my January Aqua-sister Ellen Degeneres.(and birthday twin of my wife)
• And you can't leave out one of my favorite aquarians, Oprah, "You get a car...you get a car....YOU get a car!"

And while I've secretly been dreading that this purchase might be a divorce between me and my wife, she manage to blog about me this morning: HERE

And since she's the writer in the family...she did a much better job then I ever have on my blog. :)

Viva La Revolución

"Don't just do something, stand there... Uh... no no! Go go! Go get my gloves! I'm late! " ~ White Rabbit, Alice In Wonderland

I finally got some time to do SOMETHING for my haunt and look what happened. My cemetery gates, the ones I was so excited about from Spirits, suck ASS!

They broke in 4 different places, the stakes on the bottom broke and they flopped over onto the ground as soon as I walked away. What a pile of crap! I knew I should have done my own columns this year. But like many years....I don't have the time to get into my basement laboratory and get things done.

I am making some delightful apothecary jars, with the inspirational help from LoveManor.com and their fantastic labels. But that's about it.

I turned cheap glass jars like this:

Into cool ones that just need a lil aging....

Oh..and I got up Spooky Town. But I couldn't find anything of good enough quality to buy new for it this year. Which also stunk. We did watch NBX this past weekend. I do love a movie that you can watch for Halloween and Christmas! It never gets old, either. It's still one of the best.

Well....there are still 12 days left. I have time to whip things into shape. Pumpkin carving date with my wife on Wednesday. If plunging a knife into the soft gourds adn scooping out their guts to toast and then eat, doesn't get me into the mood.....I'm a lost cause!

"There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin." Linus

Everything tastes better in a Jack mug. Don't you think? I use them all year long (yes...I said 'them'....I own a few)

This weekend it Halloween Time at ye ol homestead. Gotta get out the tombstones and start to scare-i-fy the house. I tried pluggin in my lil projector and low and behold...it doesn't work. There go my plans to turn the front sun porch into a movie screen.Great! Why didn't I test it when I bought it. Duh. Guess my make shift 'crank ghost' will fly again this year.

The temps are dipping into the 30's over night here in upstate NY. The trees are starting to get their color on. We are going apple picking this weekend. Maybe a trip to the pumpkin patch as well. They had pumpkin whoopie pies last year....I can not express to you enough how ah-mah-zing they were.My local coffee stop is making pumpkin brittle lattes and they are divine!
I pulled out my rubbermaid tub o Halloween shirts and am proudly sporting my newest Jack Skellington today. (perhaps a viewing of NBX is called for this weekend as well)

I think we should bump off Thanksgiving and make Halloween two months long. There just isn't enough time!

You put up a fence around a grave yard cuz folks are DYING to get in!

I've been looking to upgrade my lil grave yard fence for a while. And since I'm changing up my costume this year, I wasn't going to make anything for my tiny lil haunt. So when I finally got to Spirit's and saw these fence pieces, I thought I would grab a couple. Now...I'm more of a "day-after-the-holiday" shopper at Spirit's, cuz of their crazy prices. But we only have one location near me this year, and it's across town, and they only had a few of these fence pieces. So I'm not sure they would even have them after the fact.

Yes...I'm justifying it.

So after paying more than I would have liked too, I of course come into work to find a stinking coupon! UGH! Don't it figure.

You know when you buy new curtains for a room and then you start looking around and you notice the carpet doesn't really match and that old chair just looks shabby now and you should probably paint. Well.....this morning I woke up and started thinking, which is always a bad thing. "Maybe I should do some pillars for the new fence."

Yes folks, this is how it starts. Now I need to dash to Home Depot and get some lovely pink insulation, some grey paint, some big foam balls from Michael's for the pillar caps and the next few free nights are now booked. I will be holed up in the basement, my wife left to shake her head when folks ask where I am.

I figure, with the projects I've done so far, I'm pretty good with the faux stone. And pillars are just tall boxes, so it won't take THAT long....right?

SIGH....I never start early enough.

“I will not negotiate with the undead!” ― David Wellington, Monster Island

I was in Barnes and Noble's the other day and they had a cute lil display of a few Halloween items. What really drew my attention was the pile of Zombie books just in front of the cutesy-poo display.

Zombie Haiku

Lost Zombies

And your essential guide on how to survive a Zombie Apocalypse.

I'm thinking I might need to put a new twist on a old theme: Zombie Pirate!

Something new to scare the kiddes with!.

"Are these the shadows of the things that Will be, or are they shadows of things that May be, only?” ~Scrooge to the "Grim Reaper" (Ghost of Xmas yet to come)

OK...I know....the clock says 50....but it's only 40. Which scares me enough, cuz I'm so not ready to even start yet. BUT, that picture is the countdown clock that I bought a couple years ago at the after Halloween fire sale at Spirit of Halloween. And it will remind me to take it out of our attic and begin the countdown.

To that, there is no Spirit near me this year. I'm genuinely depressed. There is one across town. So what. I had one just up the way from me the last couple years and spent a LOT of lunch hours there.

Although, with Halloween so commercial now, a lot of props for mass market are getting cheaper looking. It's been almost impossible to find a fun addition to my Spooky Town. Terrible paint jobs and cheesy themes abound. I do have a pretty big spread, so I really don't need anything more. But ya know....it's fun to add.

And if you keep in mind what you might be adding for next year, like I do, you can get great deals after the holiday, if you hurry. Folks clear out Spirits after the holiday. Boy do they! Last year I got a great deal on a projector for a DVD player. I want to put a sheet inside the windows of the sunroom and project old black and white horror movies on it! I think that would be fun as the backdrop to the graveyard on the lawn.

Yes.....I'm that serious about it. Do you all not know me by now?

Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King ~ This Is Halloween

It's the lil things.

Rounding the corner at the local grocery store and seeing a maze of decorated boxes with Halloween candy in them. Candy corn on the impulse buy area of the checkout line. And that lil hint of fall in the air.

Or something so innocent and simple as my wife texing, "Would you like a re-usable pumpkin bag?"

The answer is always, "Yes!"